No, My Daughter Is Not Going to Be “So Exotic”

“Your daughter is going to be so exotic.” I’ve heard it too many times. She is mixed Asian/white. Before my wife and I even seriously thought about having kids, friends and casual acquaintances have thrown this into small talk with an eased privilege that has made me cringe. Of course, I’ve never known exactly how to respond. I guess this is my response…

One definition of “exotic” used by Meher Ahmad is “exotic: [ig-zot ik] adjective: of foreign origin or character; not native; introduced from abroad, but not fully naturalized or acclimatized: exotic foods; exotic plants.” Following her logic, there is nothing that “foreign” or “unnatural” in a globalized society about a part-Asian young girl growing up in a medium-sized Midwestern city. The claim is simply not true.

However, there is something more problematic here, an uneasiness I feel with the term “exotic” itself. When you say she’s going to be “so exotic,” what does that mean? Another definition of the word is “strikingly, excitingly, or mysteriously different or unusual”. Different from or unusual compared to what, exactly? My daughter likes Finding Nemo, dogs, slides; she doesn’t like tomatoes or bugs. She hasn’t even outgrown her diapers yet, but you’re going to permanently cast her into a “you’re-not-one-of-us” club because her mom’s ancestors and my ancestors come from different continents? And can we get real about the “exciting, mysterious” part for a second?  This connotation comes from the same line of thinking that leads to the fetishization of Asian women. If you need further explanation of that, go ahead and read about the documentary “Seeking Asian Female”.

Of course, this documentary is really only steps away from a third definition of “exotic”: “of or relating to a striptease.” That’s not what I meant at all! Oh? Well, put the word “exotic” into the googles like the kids do these days. See that? First page already refers to exotic dancing. Now go ahead and try the image search. I dare you. While you’re at it, take a look at the genius music video “Asian Girlz” to see just how Asian women are rendered hyper-sexual and submissive in white male imagination. (All women of color, really.  Check out Priyanka Chopra and Pitbull’s song “Exotic” as the term is painted broadly on women from South Asia, the Middle East, North Africa, and Latin America.)

“Exotic” is a loaded adjective.  It objectifies women.  Questlove uses the word to lament how he is perceived as dangerous, showing that it vilifies black men.  Let’s relegate this term back to describing gum flavors and not people.  Next time you run out of small talk about my daughter, just ask about her favorite animal.  And if you feel the need to use a cultural stereotype, at least say, “She is going to be a chess champion!”

Rock the Boat for Social Justice

Hip-Hop Teacher tweeted the following a little over a week ago:

Seems the pressure to not be seen as ‘rocking the boat’ contributes to people working in schools where racist & sexist remarks are heard.

This led me to think about what it means to ‘rock the boat’ as a teacher.  I feel like most of the time when racist and/or sexist comments are heard and ignored in public schools, teachers are afraid of entering into a conversation where they don’t know the outcome.  After all, this is an educational culture that is defined by “understanding by design” and by standardized tests . . . by the vision that the teacher has ultimate control over the transmission of knowledge in the classroom.  The “best” teacher has control over the boat and the condition of the waters.

Conversations about racism and sexism can be volatile.  Students may speak a truth that others aren’t prepared to hear.  They might disagree strongly.  The journey toward a more progressive understanding of the social construction of race and gender is not always linear and is hardly measurable on a multiple-choice test.  Therefore, some teachers avoid these conversations in favor of a “safe classroom” that doesn’t “rock the boat.”

As bell hooks points out in Teaching to Transgress, though, the boat is already rocking for many of our students.  The water is already rough for many students who feel that their voices are not heard and their stories are not told in the classroom.  To hear those voices and those stories might cause conflict, but conflict leads to growth and deeper understandings.  The classroom that doesn’t rock the boat remains “safe” for some students because other students are silenced, and in the end, this classroom robs students of an opportunity to learn from each other.

There was a lively discussion on twitter about “Rocking the Boat” as a positive thing, a conscious decision to challenge the status quo.  Hip-Hop Teacher (@rapclassroom) said:

so I actually used the metaphor of boat rocking (and the alternative of jumping ship) in my presentation!  I was taking boat to mean the institution. So swimming often means preserving integrity without altering institution..

Andrew Campbell (@acampbell99) continued:

We need rough seas to find better ways to sail. If the world isn’t sending them we need boat rockers

I write this blog post as a challenge to my teacher friends and colleagues to find the opportunity to rock the boat in their classrooms.  For the month of November, don’t ignore those teachable moments just because they might create tension.  Don’t be afraid of uncharted waters.  Embrace the controversy and the growth differing viewpoints can yield.  Let go of the need to be bound to your curriculum.  Rock the boat.

Thank you to Andrew Campbell (@acampbell99), Lucie Lakin (@lucielakin), and Hip-Hop Teacher (@rapclassroom) for the lively conversation and the inspiration.